I write the words that plague my dreams. And dream up words that haunt my days. I’m figuring out my meaning in life and I can’t promise you the words I write will be anything other than they are: partly fiction and partly everything I’ve ever wanted to say. Rising Sophomore at BU I write to keep me sane.
"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."
I never knew the smell of shampoo
Could corrupt thoughts this way
But with every inhale
All reason evacuates my brain.
And I’ve had the thoughts for weeks
Because my vodka soaked heart never sobered up.
Several hours of
“I think I want to kiss her.”
An angel and a devil sat perched on my shoulders
As I shifted
As I squirmed
"Do as you see fit."
"She’s your only friend;
You’re not willing to commit
So don’t start what you can’t end.”
Who cares of repercussions
What’s a kiss on the lips
No need for discussion.”
Subsequently leaning in to her
As I embraced myself
Burying nails deep into my back
Concentrating on the pain and nothing else
"Those could be her nails scarring you."
"Remember the consequences whatever you do."
"What’s a little taste?"
"Don’t you dare, it would be a waste.
On second thought what’s a little taste,
I’ve never known this battle before
Or temptation this strong.
I don’t want her to know
I can’t let it show.
It’s the Taurean in me
The one that succumbs to jealousy
The one that knows damn well it isn’t fair,
To you or me,
To feel this way.
It’s that beast, not me
Shaking with need
To tell you words I’ve only ever written,
Words I’ve never associated with you before.
It’s me biting my tongue
It’s me avoiding your gaze
Because my grip is weak
My will is faltering
If I let it slip
Would you believe
It was only the beast in me that fell for you?
I miss you in that way that’s not fair
Where I just can’t get it off my chest and tell you how much you really meant
I miss you when you’re standing right next to me
Because you’re suppose to be in my arms
So even inches away
You’re not close enough
Is it sane to miss a touch?
I need someone to hold my secrets
Just for a little while
Or as long as they like
Everything’s getting so heavy
I don’t want to do it on my own anymore
What I really need
Is for you not to stand so
Close so I can think.
What do you mean time?
I know what a break really
Is. Please don’t just go.
I thought about sipping you in my drunken state
Because you’re eyes were so different from her’s
And i lost myself for a second because I thought I could move on.
My game of pretend left me more inebriated than the contents of my cup
She doesn’t even acknowledge me anymore
I’ve fucked up.