I write the words that plague my dreams. And dream up words that haunt my days. I’m figuring out my meaning in life and I can’t promise you the words I write will be anything other than they are: partly fiction and partly everything I’ve ever wanted to say. Rising Sophomore at BU I write to keep me sane.
"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."
I grasped at waves like they were solid ground
I slipped right under; never made a sound
My hunger for relief grew intense
My will to keep fighting left
This disease flowed right through my veins
This hopelessness, hopeless became my new name
Silence surrounded me
And blue became my home
My flesh clung to me heavy
My racing heart and panicked throat; my last words a mere groan
I melted into the ocean floor
Became the dirt and nothing more.
*Our design was to oversleep on a worn out lullaby
You left while I dreamed of breathing pleasures morning sighs
You stayed on my mind visiting my now haunted reverie
Sleep had once been my escape from reality
I’m not sure if I’m going insane
But closing my eyes all I see is this pain
And your face, just a vision in my head
I was foolish to believe we would never end
What’s worse is now I’m sleeping through my days
Taking pills so it’ll stick, anything to be close again
Taking pills so it’ll stick, I’m not sure I want to wake up
Taking pills so it’ll stick, it’s to fitting to disrupt
Fiction from a distant time
I made you up inside my mind.
Sadness constricts my chest
I know I’m a disappointment
I know I don’t deserve any of this
It goes to waste before my feet
And the tears are begging for release
With this pain I’m begging for relief.
Should I be,
That my face keeps on breaking into a smile,
That I’m dancing around the house without a care.
Life is a funny thing with its twists and turns,
And it’s feelings.
I learned that ‘hurt’
Was a state of mind
I hate that
A day can never be repeated
But I appreciate that I had
A day worth remembering.
I want to feel the
contours of your body as
my fingers explore
i sent flowers to
the wrong place addressed to you -
someone had to know.
It shouldn’t hurt this much -
And heart’s erratic
My limbs succumb to my panic
It shouldn’t hurt this much -
Closed eyes can’t transport me
This body’s shaking
You can’t support me.
I don’t want this feeling anymore
But to get through I need to endure
I’m done with the easy way
Yet I can’t stand feeling like this
I could sleep away all my problems
Except my dreams no longer hold solution
I can’t stand being in this body any longer when will I reach my conclusion?
Thoughts still fall to you
And what if’s amount to the stars in the sky
Growing up means saying goodbye
But when did my words ever carry meaning?
I thought I was done with this dull ache
This troubling woe that wrapped it’s way among my bones
It’s easy forgetting
Piling memories atop the blaze within my head
Forgetting’s left me dead.
It’s my last night on my best friend’s floor. Really bummed this weekends over but also really glad I was able to make it.